(Essay)

Our retirement years are generally referred to as “golden years.” They are supposed to be a time when we are free from the daily grind of whatever we were doing for our livelihood, our children have grown and are independent, and we have accumulated enough wealth. Now is the time to enjoy the fruits of our labor, to pursue the hobbies that we had planned without worrying about responsibilities or other constraints. Every day of our retired life will be perfect, so the concept goes.

I sometimes wonder if it is the reality. Lately, my observations of the lives of my friends and relatives in their retirement have not been encouraging. I have begun to notice unique challenges in their lives due to some issues, not all related to finances. For example, whenever I go out to a restaurant with my friends I get disappointed when some are concerned about portion size or consuming alcoholic drinks. Frequently I hear them saying, “I will share this with someone,” or “I don’t drink anymore.” I guess they are entitled to act in a way that makes them comfortable. I suspect most are worried about maintaining their glucose or cholesterol levels or perhaps the appetite level declines with age. Gone are the carefree days to go out, eat, drink, and have a good time. It happens with some of our house guests too. Some do not have breakfast or eat very little for lunch or dinner. It makes me uncomfortable. Is the “joy” disappearing as we get older?

My wife and I are lucky to be in good health, but one never knows what will happen tomorrow. During the past few years, my friends from high school, college, and neighborhoods have passed away. They were not very advanced in age and at least to me were in good health. Sometimes the news came to me as a surprise.

When my son and his wife moved to Indianapolis six years ago, I remembered my good friend from the University of Oklahoma had settled there. I wanted to meet him. I Googled his name but was not successful. A couple of months ago, for some reason, I made another try. This time, his name popped up right on top. It was his obituary. I was disappointed.

Nowadays I hear many instances of my friends suffering an unexpected fall while performing normal activities like walking. Some have developed severe illnesses such as dementia. Others have disabilities making their daily lives challenging.
My wife and I are not getting younger. Our confidence level in undertaking challenging tasks is going down. A month ago, we were invited to attend a milestone birthday in Ohio, a distance of about 320 miles from our house in Maryland. We discussed our options for the travel. Flying would have been easy, but it would have taken the same amount of time and restricted our mobility once we reached our destination. Against the opinion of some, we decided to drive. It was an experiment to get over our anxiety about long-distance driving. We did it. We had a lot of freedom in visiting our relatives and attending the function because we had our car with us. Driving was manageable as my wife and I shared the task and the highways were not crowded. We enjoyed the trip and also built confidence in our ability to undertake such a trip.

The point I want to make is that old age brings anxiety. Any little thing going wrong makes us feel that the worst is going to happen. Most of the time things are not as bad as they seem and everything works out in the end. This is a departure from when we were young and were more optimistic and fearless. Now we need to be careful about lifting heavy objects. Our knees hurt when we climb many steps. Climbing ladders is not advisable. We are tired after running an errand and need to take a nap. We feel dependent on others to do tasks that we were able to do just a few years ago. Our lives would be golden if we had no worries about accomplishing common things we encounter. This will not be a problem for the super-rich who can employ a myriad of help. These are people who have the real gold. What about the common folks? Where is the ‘gold” in their lives?

A few days ago, my wife and I were discussing a trip we were planning to take down south to North Carolina in our car to visit my brother. It was going to be a travel of over 380 miles. With our experience of going to Ohio, we thought we could do it. I asked my wife what would happen if the car broke down, if we got into an accident, if we got sick on the road. She assured me that we now have the financial resources to get over the challenges. Getting the car repaired, and staying in a hotel if required will not burden us. Then she said something that I thought was sort of reassuring and funny.

“Well,” she said. “If something should happen to us it will be a good topic for you to write about.”

Well, that is just what happened. When we did take the trip at the end of October (2024) we were stuck behind a multicar accident just before we reached Richmond, Virginia. The GPS did not warn us when we left our house. There was a huge traffic jam. It took us four hours to travel seven miles to reach the exit where they were diverting everyone to take Route 1. I was the driver and was behind the wheel for six hours with no chance to go to the bathroom. Upon taking the exit we noticed a McDonald’s just around the corner. What a relief.

It took us close to twelve hours to reach my brother’s house which was twice the estimated time. We stayed there for two days. We talked and talked, ate, laughed, drank moderately, and just had a hell of a good time. We will remember the visit forever.

My wife and I have been retired for over a decade. We are active in our daily lives and keep ourselves occupied, exercising every day and pursuing our hobbies.
At this stage in our lives staying relatively healthy, being able to travel, pursue hobbies, meet with friends and relatives, and have a good time is the “gold” in our golden years.